How to Increase Self Esteem & Confidence? Self Confidence is the key to our success. Sometimes people reach incredible heights only on the basis of strong Self Confidence.
But not everyone has it so pronounced. How can you increase your Self Confidence?
Client: I am afraid to look into the future and do not set long-term goals, because I do not believe that I will be able to achieve this. What if it doesn’t come true? Coach: And what do you want as a result of our meeting? Client: Believe in yourself… How to Increase Self Esteem
How to Increase Self Esteem & Confidence?
To increase your self-confidence, you need to understand its nature.
Thus, a feeling of confidence comes to us when we realize our capabilities are adequate or appropriate to the task that we are solving now. We can tell ourselves that it is “within our power” for us.
Based on this definition, two conclusions can be drawn:
1. Self-esteem is always associated with tasks.
If there is nothing to decide, then confidence is not needed. If everything is brought to us on a platter with a blue border, then we will only have confidence that it will continue this way. But when the “freebie” is over (as a rule, together with parental care), and the experience of independent problem solving has not been accumulated by that time, there will be no place for confidence. Since we will not be able to assess whether we have all the possibilities for solving the problem or not.
If we hang on ourselves the stigma “I am an insecure person”, then there is a high probability that we are deceiving ourselves in this way and avoiding action. For an insecure person does not feel able to cope with any task. If we can cook ourselves fried eggs or tie our shoelaces, then this is clearly not our case. Therefore, the first step is to outline the circle of tasks where we feel insecure. It is there that confidence is raised purposefully for the task.
2. Self-confidence is formed through a sense of their capabilities or abilities.
And this feeling, in turn, is taken from experience. To conclude whether I can rely on myself in solving this problem, I need to rely on something from our past or present. How to Increase Self Esteem
We tried to do something, and we either failed or succeeded. So, for example, we once set a long-term goal, walked towards it and got lost. And from this experience, we concluded about ourselves: I am not capable of setting long-term goals. From this, self-confidence when setting distant goals is zeroed. How to Increase Self Esteem
Our experience of achievement, tinged with negative emotional experiences, often distorts our perception of ourselves and hinders our development. Feeling your experience unhurried can be unfounded. This means that in order to increase our confidence or regain it, we need to study our experience in a constructive way and draw conclusions from it that will encourage new actions and attempts. How to Increase Self Esteem
To increase self-confidence, it is also important to understand such a concept as the level of personality claims.
Our level of aspirations forms the list of tasks that we set ourselves and, in part, those that arise before us.
If our assessment of ourselves and our abilities is overestimated, then we can set ourselves too complex tasks and raise the bar of obligatory achievements. If our assessment of ourselves is underestimated, then we, on the contrary, minimize our aspirations and complete tasks easier than we can actually accomplish.
Psychologists have proved in experimental conditions that the level of our aspirations is formed under the influence of success or failure in activity, or rather our subjective experience of our achievements as successful or unsuccessful. How to Increase Self Esteem
And here a key mistake emerges in the formation of the level of aspirations: we can evaluate the experience as unsuccessful, but not understand that it is successful for our level of development. How to Increase Self Esteem
For example, my daughter, 6 years old, sat down to draw in an online lesson with a teacher, a professional artist. She could not do exactly the same as the teacher. She was upset, tore up her drawings and shouted that she would not study anymore. At that moment, she, firstly, inadequately formed her level of claims inadequate to her abilities. And, secondly, she lived her experience as unsuccessful, because she could not achieve the result as a teacher. Although, according to my feelings, she did a great job, and for me the experience was successful.
Algorithm for increasing Self-esteem
Self-confidence can gradually become a stable property of our personality, as we will transfer our successful experience to those tasks that we have never done. But for that to happen, it’s important to give yourself time to shape the baggage of success. How to Increase Self Esteem
How to form it? Set yourself tasks adequate to the level of aspirations and solve them according to the following algorithm:
1. Choose an actual problem for yourself, the solution of which is really important for you.
How to Increase Self Esteem. This is an important condition, because it determines whether you will put in effort and overcome difficulties if they arise.
For example, I want to launch a career coaching training course to transfer my experience and knowledge to my colleagues and strengthen the professional environment in this type of assistance. This is one of my important professional goals, and I am willing to work hard to achieve it.
2. Describe what abilities and capabilities are needed to solve this problem.
List all the resources you need to get things done. To do this, you can use 15 keys from the article “What are we missing in the development of a career?”How to Increase Self Esteem
So, for a career coaching course, I need: practical experience and theoretical knowledge in this area, the ability to create training programs and transfer my knowledge, the ability to describe the value of the course and promote it in order to convey this value to the target audience, the ability to organize the learning process, and time to apply all these skills. How to Increase Self Esteem
3. Form your level of aspirations for your task.
What result do you expect? What exactly do you want it to be? And if expectations are lowered, what might the result look like? How to Increase Self Esteem
For the harmonious development of confidence, it is better to designate three levels at once at the entrance: minimum, normal and super result. For what? This is how we bypass the trap of overstated personality claims. You agree to the minimum option and it is guaranteed to match your capabilities. And after achieving it, you can painlessly adjust your level of aspiration in order to develop in a more sustainable way for yourself.
For example, for a course, I can designate the minimum level as teaching a group of 6-8 people in order to get enough teaching experience on this topic. Although normal for me would be 15-20 people. Anything above 20 people will already be a super result. How to Increase Self Esteem
4. Assess how you possess the items listed in paragraph 2.
Here we begin to form the adequacy of the task to our capabilities. We honestly evaluate each item from the point of view of the required level to accomplish this particular task. Not like my daughter: I want it as a professional artist. How can we really do that? How to Increase Self Esteem
Note that we only take what is needed to solve the problem as a support for solving the problem. We do not rely on unsuccessful experience in other areas, or on what in childhood we were called “inept”, “fool”, “mediocre”. Set this aside until it gets in the way of solving the problem. And if it does, then just ask for help from me or another coach or psychologist whom you trust to close this issue for yourself. How to Increase Self Esteem
5. What can you do about what you are missing?
If you find that you are missing something, then, first, double-check that it is really necessary. Second, try doing a SWOT analysis on this point: what other features or strengths can you use to gain it? Sometimes, it is enough just to delegate to another specialist. Third, lower your level of ambition. Perhaps you are not yet competent enough to expect such a result. Fourthly, if this is a stumbling block for action and you cannot replace it with anything right now, then make a decision when and how you acquire the necessary opportunity / ability.
It is here that we must understand how the current task is finally adequate to our capabilities. Perhaps we can take on this task, but not now, but later, when we tighten up the missing resources. How to Increase Self Esteem
For example, for a course from the above, I have almost everything except a temporary resource, but it will appear in about a month. This means that I can decide on the dates and schedule its creation. How to Increase Self Esteem
6. Assess risks and weaknesses.
Even if we have everything, there may be internal barriers, circumstances or such a course of events that will affect the success of the task. How to Increase Self Esteem
For example, my daughter simply threw her drawing halfway through the feeling that the result did not match her level of aspirations. Each of us can have such internal constraints in our head, which at one point all our efforts bring to zero. It is important to realize them and design your actions that will help you remove these constraints to your success. The stage of risk prediction helps us to form adequate faith in ourselves: to see what depends on ourselves and what does not. How to Increase Self Esteem
For example, knowing how I work with educational material, I can get stuck in books and preparation for months. Therefore, it is important for me to organize the process of writing a course so that I feel progress, do not try to cram everything and even more, and have time to do my other projects. Therefore, I will simply take myself a coach to accompany at this stage, set limits on the amount of time for each topic to prepare the material, and form the deadlines for the start of the course.
7. Design and steps.
Design how you will build a solution to the problem, taking into account the risks and weaknesses. Then form for yourself at least an approximate plan of steps along which you will begin to move. In the process, perhaps other steps will come and other opportunities will come. How to Increase Self Esteem
8. Analysis of the result.
When you go your way and achieve a result (or not achieve) sit down to analyze:
- Did you meet your expectations and the result?
- What helped you achieve it?
- What did you manage? What could have been done differently?
- What conclusions can I draw about the correspondence between my capabilities / abilities and the solved problem?
- What conclusions can I draw about myself?
These eight steps are worth doing for each task until you feel confident without additional analysis at the start of the next more difficult task. They will help you not only to pump up self-confidence, but also to form a resource-based approach to solving any problem and the thinking of a successful person. How to Increase Self Esteem
It is worth starting your path to confidence with easy tasks, gradually increasing your level of difficulty. Every successful experience will be a building block to your basic self-confidence. And even if you stumble at some point, remember that there are specialists like me who can help you utilize your experience in time and treat it easily and constructively. How to Increase Self Esteem
The path to Self-esteem
Building self-confidence is a process. It takes time for more and more successful experiences to accumulate in your life. If you did not acquire it in childhood or for some reason wasted it in adulthood, then get ready for the fact that an independent path to confidence may not be passed quickly. Give yourself the time and support that is normal and achievable. At the very least, remove the expectation of perfect success from the first attempt: the first time does not have to work, as well as from the tenth, as well as from the hundredth. Everyone needs their own number of times to succeed!
Everybody loves work and self-confidence!