Low self-esteem. The Internet is full of training, courses, and marathons on femininity, self-esteem, and personal effectiveness. They promise you that after passing them, you will be able to learn to value yourself, become more feminine and confident. But, as a rule, at such courses, you get only superficial solutions.
These may be such “ingenious tips” as:
- put on a skirt
- buy a new lipstick
- make a manicure
- treat yourself to a cake
- kiss a mirror etc.
This is, of course, a great way to cheer yourself up. But this has nothing to do with increasing self-esteem. Yes, you yourself know that all these methods do not work. Or they work, but temporarily.
It’s like treating an open fracture of a hand with a band-aid.
And as a result, you once again drain your budget for new training, without ever finding the true reason. That’s why, right now, I suggest you to understand, that’s stopping you gain confidence reinforced concrete.
10 factors that show that you are people with low self-esteem
1) You do too much for other people
– You apologize too much …
You constantly push yourself to last place. You care about mom, dad, husband, brother, matchmaker, but not about yourself. That’s because you have a “balance” broken giving and taking.
24 hours a day, you work in Mother Teresa mode. You always save someone and help someone, and without asking if you really need your help or not.
The reasons for this behavior must be sought in your childhood. Most likely, parents, acquaintances, friends, or teachers “sewed into your RAM” the following beliefs:
- I am the last letter in the alphabet;
- Self-love – loves no one;
- Die yourself, and help a friend!
Therefore, deep inside your subconscious mind is the attitude: only if I sacrifice myself for the sake of others can I be loved.
If you notice a desire to please everyone – you need to learn several things at once: ⠀
Firmly say “NO” and clearly establish personal boundaries.
You probably don’t know, but there are special speech techniques for such cases. You will learn how to send manipulators on foot erotic journey without aggression, to give them a ball and a driving directions on their way. If you don’t know how, I can easily teach you.
To be able to speak directly about your desires and needs.
Here, too, without special exercises and the technician will not do. In addition, it is important not only to know speech structures but also to be able to put them into practice.
Get rid of harmful attitudes and blocking beliefs. ⠀
Attitudes prevent you from appreciating yourself and accepting who you are. Until you rewrite programs and algorithms of your behavior at a subconscious level, people will continue to use you.
I am an expert in all three areas. Nothing prevents me from sharing these speech techniques with you.
2) You are under stress and stop focusing on the current moment
Your brain is like a washing machine — in a day, it scans about 60,000 thoughts in your head. And unfortunately, usually you throw something negative into your “wash”. It may be your worries about the past or worries about the future.
Sometimes you think about good things, for example, about your goals and plans. But then you again turn on the “rinse mode”, and again you go back to memory. You rage in your head fears, thoughts of past failures and feelings of guilt.
Surprisingly, only people think about this principle. Compared to us, animals are always in the moment – “here and now.”
For example, a lion. He ate and slept soundly. When the lion is full, he is absolutely happy. He does not have thoughts: “God, how I screwed up when the day before yesterday I did not catch an antelope! How the pack looked at me! I’m just a loser! And what will my lion cubs eat tomorrow? Suddenly tomorrow I will not catch anyone? Fooled again! What will the pack think of me? No, I’m definitely a loser! ”
Are you funny Me too?
Or an antelope. When a lion chases after her, her brain gives the order to throw out the infernal amount of stress hormones – adrenaline – into the blood. This helps the antelope run very fast. But as soon as the chase ended, then just a couple of minutes later the antelope calmly chews weed. Do you understand? She does not go into binge for six months about the stress experienced. She just chews weed.
So why do you constantly drop out of the present? You so often spin negative thoughts in your head that you have already developed a dependence on stress.
There is no difference for your brain – you think about the past or the present. The stress hormone is released anyway if you are thinking about something negative.
The stress hormone spreads throughout your body, and from constant “rinsing of the negative” health is destroyed.
But when you are in the moment, here and now, you automatically pull yourself out of negative experiences. Being in the moment is good for your health. Think about it.
In the meantime, we move on to the third indicator of low self-esteem.
3) You choose a toxic relationship
There is always a choice in life! Take action or run away. Goodbye or revenge. Love or hate. But just don’t be inactive!
You live with a person who cheats on you, hits, drinks draws money from you, uses, criticizes, wipes his feet about you (underline what is necessary). The worst thing is that you endure all this. It has become your habit. This is the norm. And soon it will become the norm for your children.
Or maybe you think that you simply have nothing to love?
4) You constantly compare yourself with other people, and these comparisons are not in your favor
A good way to spoil your happiness is to start comparing.
Most likely, in childhood you were constantly compared with other children:
- Look how Katya is studying – she has only five!
- Why are you behaving badly, while other children are good?
- Again, there’s a mess in your room, but here’s Natasha’s …
This way of education has formed a habit in you and a certain algorithm – everywhere and in everything to compare yourself with others. Your childhood is over, and you, as before, continue to compare so as not to be in the role of a loser. In addition to everything, your sense of guilt and envy is constantly growing.
About how to stop comparing, I will tell you later.
5) Are you afraid to make new acquaintances and change your environment
Under no circumstances can you communicate with those who do not love you, do not appreciate and do not respect!
Think of the people around you. How good is the communication between you?
Ask yourself questions:
- Do these people wish me well?
- Do they support me, motivate me?
- After talking with them, am I inspired? Or am I like squeezed lemon?
Your life is not endless. Time is your most valuable resource. It cannot be bought for any money. Then why are you pouring time into the toilet for poor communication?
The environment cannot be changed – the environment can only be replaced.
Do not try to remake the people who surround you. They will change only in one case – if they themselves want it.
While you are actively trying to improve and fix them, you are wasting time. After all, in their place in your environment could be someone else.
- For example, your ex-husband. Despite the fact that you have already divorced, you continue to repair the showdown with him. You do not understand that he remains a part of your environment. He takes the place of a new man who could come into your life. But you don’t have time for this – you are cursing with your ex-husband.
- Your toxic girlfriend, who constantly achs and demands your attention, is now taking the place of a person who could inspire you.
I think that you understand the logic. Therefore, we move on to the next paragraph.
6) You do care about other people’s opinions
Do not worry about what other people think of you. They are too worried about what you think of them …
It is important for you to know what they said about you, thought about how they looked at you. In your life you do everything, focusing on the opinions of others. You are afraid to go out in a crumpled T-shirt so that people do not think that you are a slut. Or do you get married by applying for a wedding loan so that people do not think that the holiday was not good enough?
7) Are you afraid to make mistakes
The biggest mistake you can make in your life is the constant fear of mistakes.
Albert Green Hubbard
You think you need to do everything perfectly, or not at all.
A person with a good level of self-esteem does not try to do everything perfectly. He just does. He sees his mistakes as experience and steps to growth.
Therefore, if you suffer from perfectionism, I give you an action plan.
8) You do not know how to say “No”
Whenever I say “yes”, I see in advance how many “no” it will cost me.
Stanislav Jerzy Lets
- You stay up late at work. When the boss asks who can work on the weekend, it is you who respond.
- You go to meetings that you are not interested in. You talk with people you don’t need.
No matter how strange it may seem, there is a hidden benefit in what you do.
– Look how good I am! While you were chilling on the weekend, I plowed in the office from morning to night!
– Aren `t you ashamed? I gave you the best years of my life!
You are trying to manipulate people with such actions and phrases and want to give yourself more significance.
9) You do not trust anyone
“Why are you so incredulous?”
“Do I answer in chronological or alphabetical order?”
The inability to delegate leads to the fact that you do not have enough time for anything. And you live in the squirrel in a wheel mode.
10) You save on yourself
A woman who saves on herself, causes men the only desire – to save on her!
Erich Maria Remarque
You buy things for your husband, children, dog, but not yourself! In fact, behind your “reasonable economy” lies a feeling of guilt: “What will happen if I spend everything, and tomorrow there is no money left?”
And again, this is an in-depth installation coming from childhood: “If I do not spend money, then no one can accuse me of misfortunes and troubles.”
How to work out deep installations – I will tell in my next article. Therefore, do not forget to subscribe to my new publications.
In the meantime, to summarize. Please write in numbers in the comments, how many of the 10 items listed are specific to you? It is very important for me to understand the statistics, so I will be very glad to your answer.
If you want to pump your self-esteem, then I invite you to my online consultation. In just 30-40 minutes of work, we will put everything on the shelves. And most importantly, you will have a step-by-step action plan.
If the article inspired you, then share it with your friends. The more people start working on themselves, the better.
Your future is in your hands! Act!